This is me. I’m 29, I have two lovely babies, I’ve been married to the most amazing man for five years. I love chocolate, reading too much, and cuddling with my sweet peas. I will do almost anything to avoid doing dishes. We live in a beautiful house in Northern New Jersey with an expansive back yard and we go to church (almost) every Sunday.
Those are the basics I suppose, but it’s not really the whole story. I’m the oldest of a lot of kids, my parents were never married, I was raised in poverty and abused. I used to tell people that my life was a series of catastrophes. Things would be going well, I would have some small measure of happiness and then something would happen to pull the rug out from under my feet and throw me back into darkness. I decided that God couldn’t possibly exist because if he did, he would never allow me to suffer this way so I became an atheist and decided there was really no point in a moral code, all at the ripe old age of 17. If it weren’t for a series of very specific events in my life I could have ended up in some pretty bad places but God is good and he pulled a few strings to get me living in suburbia with minimal mental problems.
It’s still a surprise to me that life doesn’t hurt anymore. Every day is filled with love and grace from beginning to end and I struggle to accept that. It’s weird, right? All I ever wanted was for life to be simple and easy and now that I have it I can’t believe it’s actually simple and easy. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop; for the terrible, catastrophic thing that’s going to derail my life to rear it’s ugly head and lay waste to my nearly perfect little life.
I spent this past weekend at the Edel Gathering and if you haven’t heard of it, you need to look it up because it’s an amazing thing. 300 women spending a weekend together in a blur of love, fellowship, and crazy shoes, recharging their batteries so they can reenter their lives as inspired crusaders for Christ. I heard so many stories, I laughed and cried and embraced my fellow sisters and came away with some ideas. I felt the Lord whispering in my ear and I think I know what he wants of me. He allowed me to suffer, to go through those refining fires because he was preparing me for this moment when my whole life changed. I had one hell of a time getting to Austin this weekend and it was because the Devil knew something was in the wind.
So here we are, starting a blog, building a community, growing my faith with every step I take. I’ll write about the things I know best: suffering, love, and the best way to ruin your diet (the answer is chocolate). Our family will walk our road to a deeper faith and love in God and you’re welcome to come along for the ride. I don’t know where this road will lead me, I’m sure we’ll go up some mountains and into some valleys, but every mile leads us closer to grace.