Wives, Submit

Happy Monday ya’ll!

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First order of business, please join in me praying for all the people in Texas who were affected by the hurricane this weekend. Reach out to your churches or to your favorite charities to donate your time, resources, or talents. Remember, every little bit helps.

Next, I need to rant a little.

Friday I got involved in some Facebook drama. Some religious themed Facebook drama, so you already know that it was fun on a bun. It started with someone making some comments about a “women only” entrance at what I would presume was a mosque. From my perspective, that in and of itself doesn’t bother me. That’s how they worship so as long as everyone is entering into it of their own free will, let them do what they want. The problem was that someone commented that if you were to protest the women only entrance you should also protest “the Catholic church’s model of female subordination to their husbands.”

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That’s a direct quote. You may give it all the side eye you want, I completely understand.

During the course of the discussion (which was very pleasant and lacking in profanity, even while it was being insulting and demeaning towards my faith) someone brought up all womens’ favorite bible verse. Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.” If I had a time machine I would go back to Paul and tell him to phrase that much differently. It would have saved so many of us so many headaches. But I digress.

I have SO many problems with the modern take on this verse. All the whining about how women are told to “submit” but men are only told to “love”. It is sexism and it’s in the bible ya’ll so check out how the white male patriarchy that is the church bureaucracy is still leaning on women and making them hold fast to “stereotypical and sexist” roles in marriage and the church. Let’s get out the signs and the kitty ear hats and protest in front of the Vatican! Sexism must end!!!!1!!1!!!111 ßSo much sarcasm. Please leave your kitty ear hats at home.

When I got married we were given a selection of bible verses that could be read at our wedding and to spite my mother I chose this one. (We already established that I’m a bad Catholic. Don’t look so surprised.) Looking back on it years later, I understand so much more than I did at the time.

I used to have a very hard time submitting to my husband in anything. I didn’t want to listen to him about how we should pay off our debt or what we should eat for dinner. I had a fear that allowing him to take control somehow made me less of a person, or less of a contributing member of our partnership. It wasn’t that he was wrong about any of these things. We ate at a lot of bad restaurants because of me. It was because I had been programmed from a young age to think that marriage is an equal partnership and I am just now realizing that it’s not true.

My husband is much smarter than I am when it comes to managing the bills or picking out good restaurants. If we followed my lead on these things, we would have many more financial and digestive problems than we have. I’m smarter than my husband at managing the household and the children. If I left it up to him our house would be a hot mess and we would never go anywhere fun, because nap time is hard.

Our roles in our marriage are not equal, they are different. Different does not mean bad. It means that we have different strengths and responsibilities and that’s what makes us an amazing team. It wasn’t until I learned to submit, to give him control and power, that we got to this healthy stage of our marriage.

As for the husbands love your wives thing, I think men forget what we go through as women to be their wives. There is the societal pressure to be successful and thin but also an amazing mother and wife and time manager and to have the perfect picture for the family Christmas card AND send them out before New Years. (that’s not happening). Our bodies go through drastic changes while we birth and nurse and age while magazines tell us how we can maintain a “youthful” look with expensive creams and painful injections.

I remember a few years ago I got a really bad burn on my arm while I was cooking. When I showed my husband he was upset and told me I should be more careful. I just laughed and showed him all the other healed cuts and burns on my hands and arms and told him that it came with the territory (I was still learning at the time, I don’t get hurt nearly as often anymore). He got really quiet while he looked at my scars and then looked at me for a while. When I asked him what he was thinking he replied that he had never thought about what I went through to keep his life comfortable. I blushed and waved it away but it’s something that’s stuck with him and he’s always aware of what I’m doing and the little hurts I get. He loves me so much better because of it.

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Submission and love are not dirty words. They are just small pieces of what makes marriage a beautiful experience. So women, submit to your men, they only want what’s best for you. And men, love your women. You don’t always see the little sacrifices they make to keep the family happy and running smoothly.

Let’s end with something fun! Tell me something you love about your significant other and make sure you tell them about it today. We’ll get the week started right!

 

4 thoughts on “Wives, Submit

  1. Thank you for this!

    I just got married in March and we have been learning a lot and growing a lot as we navigate this new journey of ours. I love my husband because of his small little gestures of love. There will be times I am so busy and hardly home and I will come home to find the house picked up or things organized. He kisses me on the forehead (while I’m still half asleep) every morning before he leaves. He’s definitely a great husband and I try and make sure I tell him as often as I can!

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  2. I love that my husband will eat anything I prepare for dinner without complaint, whether it’s an entire Thanksgiving dinner of foods he doesn’t like (who doesn’t like pumpkin pie?!) or “I’m too tired to cook. Can we just have leftovers?” or kale/caulifloiwer lasagna (it’s really yummy; I swear!). Whenever I ask him what he’d like for dinner, he says, “Whatever your lovely hands prepare.” That’s true love.

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