I know I’m committing some kind of horrible mom faux-pas but I’m going to go ahead and admit it. My kids watch TV. And during this pregnancy they’ve been watching it, dare I say, a lot? I can see all the perfect, preppy moms jaws hit the floor, some of the more sensitive ones may be swooning and you’re asking, “But at least it’s educational, right?” My answer?
Bring out the smelling salts people.
In all seriousness though, my kids do watch TV and sometimes I feel twinges of mom guilt but not too often. I am pregnant with my third child and I have had a rough go of it. The first trimester I was so sick I could barely feed my kids, much less lead them through educational, hands on activities. I had a few weeks of feeling good where I was able to convert my husband’s office into the playroom/my office and I made dinner regularly and now I am just tired. Like, I’ve taken two naps today, it’s 8 o’clock and I’m ready to hit the hay. So I’m not going to apologize for it. These things happen. It doesn’t make me a crappy mom, it just means I am in survival mode. And since the kids have been watching too much TV and I’ve been playing too many rounds of Sudoku on my phone I figured I could give you the run down of my favorite and least favorite kids shows and movies.
We’ve watched this movie approximately 1,263 times at this point and only 95% of them were because my two year old was shrieking for Poppy. It’s just a very funny movie. The voice talent is excellent, the songs are catchy, the animation is fun, and after the first 100 viewings you forget that the backstory of the movie is that the Bergens have been eating the sentient, talking Trolls to be happy. I’m an emotional eater myself but this is a little ridiculous. And Branch (Justin Timberlake) announcing that he doesn’t sing because “singing killed [his] grandma” never stops being both horrifying and ridiculous but we are watching a movie where one of the heroine’s chief talents is scrapbooking so… *shrug*. Also, Poppy’s (Anna Kendrick) scrapbooking involves a lot of glitter and there are trolls who fart glitter and it makes me question a lot of things. So there’s that.
My son loves this show. I have a lot of questions. Why is it that all the animals seem sentient to some degree but only the dogs can talk? Why does Mayor Goodway seem to think it’s a good idea to put all of the towns emergency and essential services in the hands of a ten year old and 6-8 puppies? What are the taxes like in this town that each of those puppies and Ryder can afford to have multiple, transforming vehicles? Why hasn’t Mayor Humdinger been arrested yet? I’ve seen him commit multiple felonies and he has shown blatant disregard of his highly intelligent kittens (one of them has a jet pack!!) and he has yet to be brought to justice. And does Foggy Bottom know that their Mayor has spent an undisclosed amount of money on some kind of secret, evil lair who’s only purpose seems to be a rumpus room for the kittens? Also, the pups are frequently called to help the same six people over and over again. Does no one else in this town use the services? And it is not smart to have the only EMT in town be a puppy. He doesn’t have thumbs. How does that even work?
This show is a Netflix exclusive and both of my kids love it. I think it’s cute. It’s colorful and the animation is 3-D and round. I would like some backstory though. There only seem to be three human children in this kingdom. One of them is a princess with a hideous dog who doesn’t know where her subjects live (in a cave under her crystal castle), one is some kind of monk who lives in a tree and takes care of the wishes, and True. She seems to be a peasant with a talking cat who loves gross smells and cat ninja stuff. All the other characters are adorable round things in bright colors and varying numbers of limbs. Everything has a face on it, including trees, baskets, and vehicles. Are they alive? Do they talk? Why can True use the wishes from the wishing tree? Why can the cat talk? Where all the other humans?!?!? It’s a weird show. Cute but weird.
I’m kind of proud of this one. My daughter was taking a nap one day and I was looking for a new show for my son and I discovered that the original series was on Netflix so I put it on for him, never expecting that he would like it. You guys. Chucky LOVES it. And it makes my little mama heart proud because I loved this show as a kid too. However, rewatching it as an adult has made me realize that these kids are annoying as hell.
Wanda has the most irritating voice. Phoebe needs to stop talking about her old school. Ralphie needs to try harder. If Arnold really hates field trips that much he needs to transfer to another class. Speaking of other classes, does no one notice how often these kids go on field trips? What kind of permission slip do these parents sign? Why does Ms. Frizzle have her own school bus? And the kids always seem shocked when they go on a crazy field trip but Ms. Frizzle’s dress will literally tell them what’s going down. Every. Single. Time. And do they learn about any of the other subjects? I don’t know if they’ll pass the standardized testing in their state.
This show is on Nick Jr. and it’s my favorite show. It’s in the same art style and with a lot of the same voice actors as Peppa Pig so if you don’t like Peppa you are going to have a bad time. It’s about these elves and fairies who live in some woods somewhere and get into mischief and learn life lessons and blah blah blah. The important bit is that it’s hysterical to watch as an adult. Nanny Plum is my spirit animal. Her solution to every situation is to turn someone into a frog but she is also the tooth fairy. I don’t know why, you just have to roll with it. The elves claim to hate magic and will ban fairies and their wands at the drop of a hat and will ask for their magical help just as quickly. The Gnome is something like a tall elf except all he does is eat and talk and he makes me giggle. The Wise Old Elf is definitely old but when his solutions to things involve dressing up as a bee, a squirrel, or in one memorable case a pie, it makes you question the wise bit. I wouldn’t say it’s educational but in one episode the children asked the adults where the stars go in the daytime and they did eventually get the answer. So that one was good.
I could literally go on for another 5,000 words on this but I’m going to stop it here for now. This may have to turn into a series. What are your favorite kid shows? Which DVDs would mysteriously end up in a dumpster fire? Comment down below or let me know on Instagram and Facebook.